The heart of worship

Tonight we had extra prayer meeting from 7 pm-10:30pm. It was so wonderful! I really felt the presence of God. Right now it is quite late, while, I feel I need to record something that God spoke to me during the prayer meeting.

I saw a picture that Jesus was on the way to the Cross, He spoke to me that I gave my life to you, I am willing to hang at the Cross for your salvation. Are you willing to finish my mission-share the gospel around the world? That is my only request, are you going to do the mission for your life’s purpose?

And later God spoke to my heart through the intercession team member, My way is higher than your way! That is true, God’s way is higher than my way! Finishing God’s mission is my life purpose! Nothing will be higher than that as my life purpose!

Thank You, Jesus! Thanks for Your salvation, thanks for your Amazing love. Because of You, I am set free from the darkness and death! I choose to obey You! I give up my all and choose to follow You! I will throw away my crown and fulfill Your mission! Strength me and empower me! All I want is You in my life! I will shout Your fame to all the earth and lift Your name on high!

I keep asking myself, why? why? why my heart is changing now? Why when I see the disable people, my heart is full with compassion and mercy. Why I blame myself that I don’t do much for the people need help? Why I think I am also living a selfish life and just care about my own life, my own study and my own families? In my bottom heart, I tell myself I will give all I have to Christ during my whole life, however, when facing challenge, my reaction tends to run away, go back to my parents and let them handle all of them for me!

I admit I am still too childlike, I am still not matural enough! I still dream to never grow up! I still don’t want to take any resposiblity.

Facing the graduation, I am excited but more about scared. I am excited that I will get rid of the ’student role’ soon and do something for the real world. Well, I am scared, because graduation that means I finished my uni study in Australia. Where do I need to head to? Keep staying in Australia or go back to China? Sometimes, I ask God, why You let me born as a Chinese, while You let me come to Australia to know You. Why? If I knew You in China, if You provide the growing  environment in China, I will go back to my dearest families. I really miss them, Lord! But..if I choose to stay here, choose to serve Your Kingdom, I can’t meet my dear parents and my sister frequently, Lord! I really cry out to You! I miss China, I wanna watch 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing…

My heart is struggling, Lord! I don’t want to lose my Brisbane’s dear family-Daniel 2 and Hope Brisbane Church, but I will really miss my family in China!Lord, help me to figure out all my confusion and guide me according to Your will! Help me to learn to grow up and take responsibility, Lord! I choose to be BRAVE in You!!In Jesus Name I pray, AMEN!!