My complicated mind
My last uni exam finished two days ago. My feeling is quite complicated after that. Yeah, it is wonderful to finish my study life. While, I am standing at the junction again. As Pastor Wenan said yesterday, when we grow older, the challenges will be tougher in our life. It is true!
Say goodbye to my student life. The real world is waiting for me. I need to grow up and enter into the society. I feel scared to face by myself, because I used to depend on my parents and my sister. I used to live as a good student and a good daugter. But now my dear parents and sister aren’t able to be always with me and guide me. I need to make the decision by myself.
Graduation means looking for job. Gosh, my nearly 16 years study is only for a job? Where is my dream? My motivation for studying was a dream before. Where is my dream? I did not study just for a job or for living. My heart cried out and my mind clashed! I can’t compromise with the real world! I can’t! !
Praise Lord, that I found my rest on Him. If I didn’t know God one year ago, I would live a life that is always fulfilled with frustration and depression with the real world. But now I can find my joy and peace on Him, even during this junction time for my life!
I applied one job that I feel confident 3 weeks ago, whereas, there is no reply. I gave my resumes to my friends, there is no news. I start to doubt myself and keep asking Lord, where is my direction? Where do you want me to go? What kind of job do you want me to do? When are you going to provide me the job?Questions, questions.. Many times, my quiet time became searching answer time. While, after yesterday church and the prayer from Chris, God calmed me down.
This morning, when I did my quiet time. When I looked at the prayer point is about “pray for missions/missonary”. God questioned me where do your eyes fix on? Why are you worrying so much about your career? Why you let yourself frustrated? What is your true desire? I cried out before God. Truely, What am I caring about? My eyes still fix on the world-the business on the earth. I still wanna everything be under my own control and plan. How silly I am!
Considering about the mission trip on the early of next January, I don’t think God would like me to work before that. When I think about the time clash issue, I know what is the best plan for me from now until mission trip. Praise You, Lord! Thanks for Your reminding!
I will be still and know You are my God-Jesus!
