The heart of worship

It is a season that God teaches how to love people around me…

Never thought that I will be deep in love some friends and treat some group of people as my family. I appreciate Hope Brisbane Christian Church especially Daniels (my chrisitan fellowship group) taught me how to love my brothers and sisters in Christ, how to treat them as my own families.

Looking back to  my younger ages in school, university back to China, I had a few closed friends. However, I never ever feel such a closed friendship with them and treat them as my own family members because I didn’t know what LOVE is.  We were  closed but since we had our own life goals, believe, interest ect, we couldn’t be closed as a family.  Maybe that is my own problem  since I didn’t have the security in friendship. Because I always thought everyone has their own life and people are all like the passengers, come and go…I don’t want to give my all to them because I am afraid I will be hurt when they are leaving or I am leaving.  So I always reserved my love or care for my friends. However, I missed out the great friendship that I may have through giving or receiving.

As time goes by…I am in Daniel 2 group more than 2 years. The thing I learnt more and more is having the true friendship with one another especially the great relationship as brothers and sisters in Christ. God makes me see how lovely my different brothers and sisters in Daniels  are especially in Daniel2; different people have different personalities, strength and weaknesses, but we love one another as who they are. That is the way to love people…we just simply love them not matter who they are and what they are doing as God loves all of us even we are still sinners.

As time goes by…I understand more about God’s love for my life

As time goes by…I am able to share my love with others

As time goes by…I could find joy in God even it is in small things.

As time goes by…I am so grateful that I have such a wonderful family in Brisbane, Australia.

Here I am. Today is my seventh day in China, what I am thinking and doing? I said to the Lord, preserve me in Your way and will; I cried out to the Lord, never let me get used to the confort life here; I pray that no enemy could harm me and shake my faith in Him.

Here I am. It is a holiday for me in China. I am living in a nice and big house with my lovely parents and my beloved sister & her kid and husband. I have my favourite and comfort bedroom with my own bathroom. I can ask my dad drive me to anywhere if I want; I can ask my mum to go shopping with me whenever I like; my sister will pay for me even I don’t ask for.

Here I am. It is a time for me to get married. My relatives are worried about me and want to introduce someone has the good family background, high-education and high-paid job in a big company. They said we are very “Matched”, if I marry with him I will have a happy life ever and I can serve my parents here which is a BEST idea ever for a yong lady.

Here I am. I bow down before God, if I didn’t know Him two and half years ago, the life mentioned above I will be so glad to enjoy and accept; I will think probably that is the LIFE. But thanks God that I know all those things are temporary, my life in this world is temporary, but my life in heaven is eternity. What I am treasuring is my rewards in heaven not the earth. I know that His way is perfect and BEST for me.

Here I am. I choose to go back to Brisbane after 2 weeks because I know my God called me to stay there and there is where I want to belong.

Summer seems passing away…
Autumn is coming slowly…
Touching the sunshine…
Feeling the wind…
I can smell the winter…
However, still need to wait patiently…

My walk with God is like that,
One test has gone
Another one is coming
God is revealing His purpose in my life
One by one…

Sometimes it is hard during the waiting season…
But sometime it is exciting because this season is full with surprises…

I am waiting for Brisbane’s Winter…
because this summer is so long and hot…
While, God says gently “Everything has the time…”
I am looking at the stars and respond “Alright, God…I am waiting for your timing”

A journey has beginning…
A journey has challenges…
A journey deserves more trust and faith…
A journey asks me to walk on water…

A journey just starts…
A journey that I don’t know the end…
A journey that I decided to follow…
A journey that I chose to go…
A journey that I am not afraid…
A journey that my God is with me…

A journey that I put my trust in Jesus…
A journey will be filled with His Grace…
A journey will bring His glory alone…
–A journey that is me and my Lord walk together–

God’s way…
My way…
while, lost the way…

life is a puzzle, yeah, since I was young and an unbeliever. I sensed that.
life is a puzzle, yeah, even now I am a believer. I confessed that.

I try to figure out by my own wisdom and knowlege,
but I know I could not,

find the answer,
the only way is Bible and prayer

God is moving my situation,
Cause I am so desperated about it.

I tried to move it by my own understanding,
but God said, that is not the way,
I doubt,
because I didn’t see anything wrong.
But God said, are you willing to obey?
do you still trust in me?

I said, we see by faith not by sight.

God is moving my situation,
and my life is under His control.
So…why do I doubt and confuse?

Isaiah 55:9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts
than your thoughts.”

Yeah..today is Mother’s Day. I really hope my mum could read English, read this post, but I know that is impossible for her. While, I truely appreciate my dearest Mum. I pray that God will be with her and keep softening her heart, let her get close to God! I pray In Jesus name! AMEN. My simple prayer everyday is for my parents! Love them so much! Even though their broken relationship hurt me deeply before. But I still love them!!

Yesterday, our Brother Don got married, the wedding ceremony was simple but it was so sincere. That was my first time to attend the Christian wedding ceremony. And it totally renewed my perspective about marriage. The prayer from pastor, the vow from the couple and the symbol of the wedding ring.  I truely praise God He let me have this opportunity to know what is the definition for marriage from Bible! Otherwise, I will only know that marriage is ONLY a responsibility for the couple, because Dad told me that what he had for mum is only responsibility. From that time, I thought marriage is ONLY a burden for one another. So what is the point for getting married?

There are so many things that are waiting for me to learn. One day, I will become a wife for someone, a mother for others. How to become a godly woman to support my husband, how to be like-Mary (Jesus beloved mother), how to put the completely trust in God and how to share my whole life with my husband and kids……

ONE DAY, I will become the center of the Mother’s Day… Well, do I truely understand what is marriage?

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY-for my dearest Mum!!

Haven’t writen the blog for ages…It is not because my brain stops thinking, my eyes stop observing, my soul stops singing, but because my spirit starts crying…

Life seems tougher and tougher for me. Never thought that my life will become like this.  Graduation means unemployed, growing up seems losing the relationship with families, job seems only for living, 25 years old means marriage.

While, now I am still working in Mccafe for 3 days, every time feel exhausted and wondering why I got the degree  but still need to  work so hard like this, what kind of life I have right now? Why I studied so hard and got the degree but it is useless? Where is my passion? Where is my dream?

Every time talk with sister online, sister is always busy and no time talks with me, except concerns whether I find a job or not. How sad it is! Every time talk with parents, they seem more care about my visa and job issue, especially dad. He always reminds me not to participate church activities too much then ignore the things that I need to do.

Nearly 25 years old, people always remind me you need to find a boyfriend then get married. That seems very common I need to get ready for marriage since I already graduated and getting older.

Before I always turned to families to gain counselling, however, now seems no one in the family could understand my situation, my feeling and my pain.  No one I could talk to, because I know it is meanless.

Me-Now..really understand what is the feeling of desperation and hopeless.  I really understand why in Bible it said your families and friends will hate you because of me, why the Bible said that we are living for pleasing God not for people, why the Bible said the joy and peace that I gave to you not like the world, why the Bible said taking my yoke it is not a burden but it is a light……

I praise God that He put me in such desperate situation, I praise God that He is training my character through those tough time, I praise God that I experience more about the people’s pain, I praise God that He broke my heart like broke His……

Lord, I praise You for everything……I really wanna know how much pain I can bear, how much faith I have on You… Test me and use me as a great testmony…Jesus!!

Snow, snow, snow…I love snow so much, even I only experienced it few times back to China..According to my memory, snow is white, pure amd beautiful. For me, snow stands for romance and a beautiful poem , so I love snow, always wanna experience it more. Unfortunately, those days in China, snow becomes a cruel beast which eats people’s lives and stops the way for people back home. How sad it is!

 Chinese new year is around the corner two more days to go. How excited it is! Every single Chinese is waiting for this time for family reunion, including me. However, the heavy snow and storm has become a disaster in China and abundant Chinese people could not go back home. Because of the snow and storm, the transport system has been disrupted or cut down…… More than that, some of the policemen and electricity workers died in harness, how pitied they are!!

I have no idea what is happening in China right now, but I pray that God will truely help people to go back home safely and reunion with their beloved families; I pray that God will pour His love for the people that lost their families member; I pray that God will give a good weather to Chinese people and let them have a great Chinese New Year!!

I love the snow because it is God’s creation. I believe that God will show His love and mercy to Chinese people who are suffering the disaster, because He loves His people!!

Today I went to University of Queensland (UQ) to get my result of IELTS, it supposed to be known after 1pm. However, somehow the office was closed from 12pm-3pm and I arrived there around 1:15pm. Man, I need to wait around 2 hours in UQ. My heart is so reluctant, how can I kill my 2 hours? I questioned myself and my heart is full with anxiety on the result because I sensed the result won’t be accepted.

It was interesting  that when I prayed for the sharing in the communion for life group yesterday. God asked me to rejoice! I know God is teaching me something, and then I promise to God that no matter what happens that has happened. I still give Him praise.

Back to this after 2 hours waiting time. During that time, I went to UQ’s social and science library.  Every time I go to UQ, I always wanna visit its library, but I am always on rush and then leave. How sad it is! But today finally I got the chance to sit inside the library and walk around those high bookshelfs. I like the feeling in library, even just sit inside for a while and look outside view through its windows. I enjoy the quiet in the library and smell from abundant books! Just graduated, I already miss my study time in the library. How interesting…

In the quiet library, there was a battle in my mind on IELTS result, wanna get 7 but I didn’t do well on that day, hopefully, God will give me favour. Another voice is you didn’t prepare very well so you won’t get the result that you want and so on! Finally, I said to Lord! May I just ask for qualified mark-6 for each this time?  My request always gets decrease before God when I know that it will be a challenge. 

1 hour passed, 30 mins passed…finally the time reached to 3pm. I went to the office and get the envelop with my IELTS result. Open, open,  I open it! Can’t really believe my eyes, my result for IELTS is so bad especially for reading and writing parts! The overall mark is 6. I questioned God, is that the mark you answered for my prayer?

I walked to bus stop filled with disappointment! When I sit down and waited for the bus. One of the strangers passed by and gave me a free bus ticket to back home. I was amazed that how come she knew I need a ticket? God is amazing, right? So I told God I trust in You and will rejoice always and forever no matter what happen!!

Philippians 4:4-5

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.