The heart of worship

I keep asking myself, why? why? why my heart is changing now? Why when I see the disable people, my heart is full with compassion and mercy. Why I blame myself that I don’t do much for the people need help? Why I think I am also living a selfish life and just care about my own life, my own study and my own families? In my bottom heart, I tell myself I will give all I have to Christ during my whole life, however, when facing challenge, my reaction tends to run away, go back to my parents and let them handle all of them for me!

I admit I am still too childlike, I am still not matural enough! I still dream to never grow up! I still don’t want to take any resposiblity.

Facing the graduation, I am excited but more about scared. I am excited that I will get rid of the ’student role’ soon and do something for the real world. Well, I am scared, because graduation that means I finished my uni study in Australia. Where do I need to head to? Keep staying in Australia or go back to China? Sometimes, I ask God, why You let me born as a Chinese, while You let me come to Australia to know You. Why? If I knew You in China, if You provide the growing  environment in China, I will go back to my dearest families. I really miss them, Lord! But..if I choose to stay here, choose to serve Your Kingdom, I can’t meet my dear parents and my sister frequently, Lord! I really cry out to You! I miss China, I wanna watch 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing…

My heart is struggling, Lord! I don’t want to lose my Brisbane’s dear family-Daniel 2 and Hope Brisbane Church, but I will really miss my family in China!Lord, help me to figure out all my confusion and guide me according to Your will! Help me to learn to grow up and take responsibility, Lord! I choose to be BRAVE in You!!In Jesus Name I pray, AMEN!!

Oh..Lord..How could I live without You, How could I survive without Your Love and Your touch…that is one of our worship song’s lyrics. Praise You, Lord! That I know the true meaning of this today! My heart is crying out Lord..before You I repent, Lord!

 I truely understand what do the praise and worship meaning today! I am a music person, I think I am…I love singing, I think I am…Yeah, I always think I am. While, how much I put my heart and effort into the music and into the song. Today, during the P&W practise, I examine myself. Am I a person like music but without any knowledge about it? Am I a person love sing but without any singing skills? Am I really have the passion on music? Where do I stand now? Just singing a normal song for relaxing, fun and entertainment?

Praise Lord that those days He teaches me what is true meaning of P&W. That is not about people but about Him. Only Him is our praise and worship center. The love from God is the same for His children, however, we can choose How much we would like to please Him. Yeah, we have our choices-giving the best or just the better to Him, like Albel and Cain.  I am the person doesn’t take things really serious including P&W. Sometime I just love the song’s melody ignoring the lyric,  never think about the meaning of them even what does that mean for Lord.

However, during today’s P&W practise, I put all my heart into the songs and really mean what I sing. I felt the Holy Spirit filling me, which is the breakthrough for myself. Thanks Jimmie, thanks for your encouragement always and thanks for your faith” God deserve the excellence from us during P&W”.

 Lord, Jesus~ where do I stand now? I am not just singing for fun Lord. I am singing what I mean for You! You are magnificent, enternally, wonderful and glorious!! Praise You, Lord! For You, I desire growing more matural! For You, I desire giving my best to You! For You, I choose to carry the Cross! Thanks Jesus!

I would like to end with the scriptures from Matthew11:29-30

 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Sunny Wei 16/08/07

New blog, started a new blog again. Personally, I already had 4 blogs until now, sounds incredible? Well well, that is true. I am the person like to record my thinking by writing. However, 4 blogs are used for different purposes. Some of them seem silent for a long time.  No time to work on them and also it isn’t necessary. Starting a new blog in wordpress which is strongly recommended by our great sisters.  When I was choosing the name for the blog, I thought for a while. Because I know this blog is for recording my spiritual growth. After I listened to the song of LIFESONG by Casting Crowns, I know that is the name I want to choose as my blog title.  My life is a song, and the song is a worship song for our Lord- Jesus~